: Me & ZZ - Part 3 :

23 May 2003

Love can be so boring!!!!I agree with this statement…sometimes,it is quite boring when we have special boyfriend…cam aku la…name aje ade boyfriend,tapi hakikatnye I’m alone…that’s why I said love can be so boring…maybe pada pandangan orang lain,love is very nice,peaceful and happy…but for me…love is boring and suffering!I shouldn’t know love…

Sekali lagi ku lalui jalan sepi

Yang cukup diri ini kenali

Kusangka dia yang kucari

Telah ku jumpa

Namun dia yang menghancurkan jiwa

Cukuplah sudah hatiku dipanah duka

Cukuplah sudah segala sengsara

Dan aku tak mahu lagi dibelenggu rindu

Kerana ia akhirnya membunuhku

Seperti yang ku jangka terjadi

Tewas sekali lagi

Menambahkan luka yang sudah ada

Seperti yang ku jangka terjadi

Cinta datang dan pergi

Mungkin takdirku hidup menyendiri

Harapan terakhir ku rupanya sama saja

Dengan yang terdahulu darinya

Biarkan aku hidup tanpa belaian cinta

Biar semua tahu ku kecewa

Seperti yang ku jangka terjadi

Tewas sekali lagi

Menambahkan luka yang sudah ada

Seperti yang ku jangka terjadi

Cinta datang dan pergi

Mungkin takdirku hidup menyendiri

Mungkin takdir hidup ini menyendiri

Bertemankan sepi

Yang pasti setiap malam ku imbas kembali

Kenangan minda menyentuh hati

Yang pasti itu saja yang mampu kumiliki

Mungkin sepanjang hayatku bermimpi

Dulu aku ignorekan lagu-lagu camni sebab pada aku,lagu camni sesuai untuk orang yang lemah dan asik nak mengalah je…but then,when I heard this song and I take note the lyrics…I realized that this song is memang betul-betul kena dengan aku.dan aku mengakui,mungkin takdir aku hidup menyendiri for the rest of my life…and I believe,there is no man yang akan jadi couple aku nanti…no!sometimes I wondering,ape salah aku sampai takde lelaki yang betul-betul ikhlas sayang dan cintakan aku?bila aku pikir balik,lelaki skang lebih berminat kepada kecantikkan,so I surrender chasing a man’s love.aku sedar diri yang aku ni tak cantik,so aku dah dapat jawapan kepada soalan aku tadi.

Seriously,aku dah tak berminat dengan lelaki…I mean,aku dah tak terpikir nak jadikan salah satu kawan-kawan lelaki aku couple aku…no…aku dah tak sanggup nak menangis untuk lelaki yang tak pernah nak menangis untuk aku.aku dah tak kuasa nak nak dengar kata-kata dieorang yang lebih banyak menipu.skang ni pun aku dah tak kuasa nak menangis…buang air mata aku adela…

: Me & ZZ - Part 2 :

18 MAY 2003


Apsal ni?I keep thinking of him…I hate him!I shouldn’t think of him anymore…he make my life so worst lately…he also make me do not making well in my final exam…tapi alhamdulillah…my result okla…but the effect is,he make me hate men!from today,I never believe men!they all liar and all the words are coming out from their mouth are fake!pandai cakap,tapi tak tau ape benda yang dicakapkan tu…itula lelaki…


I continue my life with new identity…I’ve already found new 'me'… I shouldn’t think about men now…better I think about my future,how I want to build my carreer and make mak proud of me…lelaki-lelaki dah takde priority dalam hidup aku… start from now,perasaan aku terhadap lelaki is just a friend!I won’t let any man touch my heart again!it’s very hard to heal my heart,so I promise myself that I never fall in love with any man.my heart is badly hurt and I don’t need man to heal it.i can take care of myself again and please…there is no man in my heart!

: Me & ZZ - Part 1 :

17 may 2003

Officially,aku lum lagi clash dengan die…sebenarnye aku pun tak tau kat ne dia ni skang…he doesn’t call me,he doesn’t inform me where is he now…tapi pada aku,there is nothing between us.antara aku dengan die sekarang setakat kawan biasa…kenapa aku buat decision camni?

There is so many reasons that I shouldn’t get along with him…everything is very obvious…he doesn’t love me anymore…he doesn’t need me…kalau betul dia sayangkan aku,dia takkan buat camni kat aku…I’m tired of being lonely…I’m tired pretending that I’m happy with this…acctually,I’m very suffering…every minute,every second,I keep thinking of him…but I know,he never think of me…

Aku pun dah penat nak terhegeh-hegeh kat die…everytime that I called him,he seems bored with me…kadang-kadang tu,kiteroang tak cakap ape-ape pun…aku bukannye ape,as his girlfriend,I just want to make sure that he in the right condition…I love him and I want him always be cared and safe…I know that he can take care of himself but he’s not in front of my eyes…kalau dia ade depan mata aku,aku tak yah la susah nak call dia atau pun suruh dia call aku…

Actually,sebelum ni pun dah banyak hint yang die bagi aku,tapi aku ignorekan hint tu sebab aku percaya there must be a reason why he doing this to me…before this,aku ade gak bincang ngan die…I asked him why he doing this and honestly…I’m not really satisfied with his reasons…walau camane pun,I gave him a second chance…itu pun die yang mintak…aku tak nak die cakap aku zalim…tinggalkan die time die susah…but now,he himself the destroyed the chance…so no more chances after this…whatever he want to say,but I keep standing on my decision…he can say that I’m cruel or whatever but I can’t be fooled…he can say that I’m a selfish and I admit it!I’m a selfish girl……kalau aku tak pentingkan diri aku sendiri,then who would be?

He sold his phone number to his friend last week…at this point, I really believe that he really want to leave me….and he doesn’t want any connection with me…ok..i can accept that…but ape yang aku tak puas ati kat sini,why he doesn’t be honest with me?why he doesn’t talk to me and said he doesn’t interested into me anymore?is it difficult being honest?why he is running away from me?I keep waiting a call from him,to explain what had happened to him…but again…hope is hope…I have to accept the truth that he already forget me!ok…you lost him…

I’m getting tired of crying…somestimes I wondering,why should I cry for a man who doesn’t care about me?why should I cry for a man who doesn’t love me?I waste my tears for a man who never understand me…actually I hate crying,but I don’t know how I want to release my sadness beside crying…

Again,I was frustrated by a man…I feel so stupid!I’m not supposed to fall in love with him…I shouldn’t believe him…and I shouldn’t let him take advantages on me…but it’s already late…he left me without any explaination and from today,I declare that Ija is dead!no more love from man…men area liar!lelaki tak sepatutnye bercinta sebab they all tak tau nak bercinta…lagipun they never sincere with love…they never honest with love…apa yang dieorang tau,love is just for a physical needed…dan aku harap lelaki-lelaki camni takkan dapat kebahagiaan sepanjang hidup dieorang….i wish that they all suffer in the rest of their life…

Actually,I rather failed in love relationship…I can’t stand if I failed in my life…right now,my life quite good in all ways except love…I don’t mind if a lost a man that I love but I can’t take it if I lost my family…never!whatever it is…my family is the best!